Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. Right? We’ve all heard this before but we all know words can hurt. Talking to your child about bullying is important.
Bullying is by no means a new phenomenon. However, unlike bullying of the past, the introduction of social media has created a new type of harassment that can be even more harming to a child. Cyberbullying is different from face to face bullying because it’s more public and never really goes away. Also, cyberbullying can be done anonymously, but still be available to be seen by anyone with access to the internet.
No matter the manner in which the bullying occurs, it can be devastating to a child’s self-esteem. There may never be an end to bullying, but there are things you can do to help mitigate the effects.
Bullying often starts at home. As parents, we always try to set a good example for our child but sometimes we forget how the things we say effects little ears. It’s a good idea to have an honest discussion with your child about saying bad things to or about other people. Teach your child what bullying is and that there is a difference between saying something that is hurtful and bullying someone. Saying things that are offensive or hurtful is something most of us strive to avoid, but if it’s done from a place of ignorance it isn’t bullying. It is rude, however, that’s a topic of discussion for another time. You want to focus on helping your child understand that it’s wrong to intentionally say mean things to someone.
As you would discuss any serious topic, try to keep your attitude sympathetic and not harsh. Maybe your child feels guilty about saying something mean to a friend, or joining in laughter while someone else is being bullied. You want your child to know that just because they have been unkind in the past, they are not a bad person and that they can make things right by apologizing and doing the right thing in the future.
If your child is old enough to understand, explain that sometimes being mean to someone else makes you feel good. However, in the end, it won’t and it feels even better to make someone else feel good. Practice saying nice things and praising good deeds at home so your child can see how being kind can feel good.
The world around us often gives us what we need to teach our children. Whenever you see examples of bullying on T.V, talk to your child about it. Ask them how do they think the bullied person feels. Ask them, if they saw this scenario happen in real life what can they do. You want to teach your child that they should step up when they see someone else being bullied, and in many cases, that’s just as important as not being a bully themselves. Your child should know how to tell the bully to cut it out or get an adult involved.
At a certain age, children start to drift away emotionally from their parents. They stop coming to them for problems either because it’s uncool or they are afraid of how you will react. If you suspect your child is being bullied, don’t force them to tell you who is doing it. Instead, tell them that you are ready to listen whenever they are ready to talk. And when they do open up to you, listen empathetically but try to stay positive. Ask them what have they done about it and offer suggestions in a way that sound like “what if?” “What if you told your teacher?” or “What if you changed seats on the bus?” Children like to decide on solutions by themselves and as long as the bullying is not physical, you may not need to step in. Do continue to keep the lines of communication open but don’t pester them about it. Follow up on the situation and remind them that you are there to help.
Teach your child that the best reaction to bullying is no reaction. Bullies are gratified when their target reacts. The bigger the reaction the more bullying is likely to occur. Avoid bullies whenever possible and when it’s not, ignore them.
If you are very worried about your child being the victim of bullying, talk to their teacher and tell them about your concerns. Even though they often have a classroom full of students, they are often willing to think creatively about ways to help your child. At the very least, they may be able to talk to your child and offer a safe place to go when they need to get away.
